"Feel the love growing inside of me"

Beyonce's performance was at the MTV video music awards was just neat. When she opened up to the song by wanting everyone to stand on their feet, and then saying "I want you all to feel the love that I feel growing inside of me". I immediately thought, what is she pregnant?

Her song that she sang was just so fun. It just makes you want to get up and dance and makes me just want to sing my heart out. It just puts you in a happy mood and she sang it with such soul and passion. It was just a great song with a great performance

The end was the best part though. Dropping the mic and revealing that baby bump of hers was such a great way to announce her pregnancy. I love the feedback she received from the crowd too. 

 I liked it and just wanted to share. 

Beyonce "Love On Top" live VMA performance

Papa

I was trying to get Michael to say grandpa but he just wasn't having it. He just kept saying Papa. I guess Grandpa will just have to be called Papa and I am OK with that. I call my dad, dad but pops a lot too, so Papa is only befitting for him. Enjoy the video pops!

Laughs

My sweet children.

They melt my heart

Just turn it into mush

My son has the best giggles 

and my daughter has the sweetest smile

I love being their mom

Videos

My posts these days are mostly videos and very little words. I just thought that I should be doing this so my dad could keep up with the kids. He only gets to see them in pictures and I thought this would be a good way for him to see them. He enjoys seeing the kids and watching them grow. Plus now he can see what I can barely describe when I talk to him. Hope your enjoying all the videos pops!

We love and miss you

Dancing

Michael LOVES to dance. He only danced a little here and bounced the rest of the time but he was really wound up so he wasn't his usually let's get shakin self haha, but non the less, enjoy the video :)

Sit not S**T

Michael's vocabulary has went through the roof! He has said so little words up until now. I really have been worried that he might have a problem but then I also try to remember that each child goes at their own pace. I had a friend who's son started talking at 1 1/2. So at almost 2 and hardly saying anything besides babble kinda had me on edge. However lately that has started to change. Michael is repeating almost everything we say. I love listening to his sweet little voice repeating our words. He has trouble with some words so he turns them into something he can say like Shelby for instance, he says Delby. 

Now as for the title of this blog. 

Michael, Shelby and I were shopping the other day and Michael kept standing up in the cart(Shelby was in the front). I kept snapping my fingers and telling Michael to sit down. Well, Michael decided he needed to repeat sit, but also needed to add an H to that sit, so throughout the store all you could hear was this little boy saying, S**t, over and over. I was so embarrassed and prayed that people would be understanding. I kept trying to get Michael to just say sit, but it was no use. 

Let's see what else this kid will come up with! 

It's OK Mommy

Tonight when the news came on, the very first story they touched base on was a fatal accident that occurred Sunday night. The fatality was a 3 month old infant boy. The boys parents had to pull over due to tire trouble when a drunk driver lost control of his vehicle, hit the median, then smashed into the back of the car with the little boy. The reporter was interviewing the parents and the mother was describing how it happened. I started to cry.  On Sunday, we were driving home from woodland when I saw a huge flash in the sky south of us. When we got into Hazel Dell the traffic slowed and then I saw fire and rescue with police and an ambulance. As we drove past the accident on the opposite side of us I saw an empty car seat sitting on top of one of the cars and I said to Sean "There was a car seat, I hope the baby is OK". I don't know if I feel so bad because I was partial witness to this, or because this little innocent boy lost his life so early, maybe because I have such a little one of my own. Maybe a combination of them all. I just know my heart is heavy and I feel so bad for the loss these parents are having to face. As the tears rolled down my cheeks, I felt Michael climb over the arm of the chair and he put his arms around me and started rubbing the back of my head. When I looked at him, he just leaned in and gave me such a gentle kiss. I looked at him and then he hugged me and continued to rub my head as if saying "It's OK mommy, don't be sad." This just melted me. I gave Michael and extra big hug, thankful that I have him in my life. 

Life is just so precious and it can be gone in an instant. Enjoy each and every moment.

Random act of the day

Gosh I tell ya. I just love this kid. He does the absolute craziest and random things and I just eat it all up. He came running into the LR like this and I had to take a second look at what he did, then I had to chase him into the Kitchen to snap a pic real quick. 

(click on the pic to enlarge)

Lil Trucker

On Saturday the kids and I loaded up the car to go pick Sean up from work. I surprised Sean with a new shirt for Michael. It had a rig on it and Sean of coarse loved it. We put Michael in the truck and he got to "drive". He was so intrigued. Guess it doesn't hurt to start them off early! 

Full of Luck

HA!

Don't let the title of this post fool you-

This post is a rant 

I heard this today and I have heard it many times and I just need to vent

Today a girl that work's @ a consignment shop tells me I am lucky

Lucky for having

1 of Each

"I just have 3 boys, I wanted a girl so bad"

I thought why am I lucky just because I had one of each

are you not lucky for having 3 boys?

I think no matter what we are all lucky

whether we have one child or ten

all girls, or all boys

Maybe it's just me,

all I know is that I just feel lucky

being a mom :)

Now as for the full part

ARG!

This older lady is walking past me as I am trying to get my son to sit in the shopping cart and take care of my crying 2 month old @ the same time. 

I see her staring me down,

I know she is judging me

and then here it comes

"You have your hands full"

UH - AND!

I don't think I would have minded it so much had she not been so rude when she said it and had I not caught her staring at my body and knew she was judging me.

All I can't think is

What's it to ya! This is my choice, my life, I don't affect your world in any way so what's your problem. 

Some people I tell ya!

Thanks for reading my rant. 

I  

2 month comparison

Michael @ 2 months

Shelby @ 2 months

Michael has my eyes and Sean's eyelashes. He also has my fair complexion. Shelby has tiny eyes and Sean's darker skin tone. I think she takes after Sean's mom a lot. From the side she has the same features as Sean's mom.

 Its fun looking back and comparing the two of them.

Oh and look at my children and their lack of necks! Oh the Brandom in them sure shows, haha!

Sierra Springs

At the fair, we managed to get signed up with a water company. Sean and I have been discussing this for almost a year. We buy bottled water non stop. I would say we spend a good $40 a month on water alone. Well walking around the fair, we saw the stand for Sierra Springs and they had their water stands set up and distributing water. We helped ourselves and the salesman pitched his deal. I couldn't believe how cheap it was to rent one of the stands. It's only $5 a month for the stand and $5 bottle deposit per bottle and they are 5 gallon bottle's. It's a year lease and if you get out of the lease it's $200 bucks but you can stop buying water anytime. So you just have to pay $60 for the year and call it good. We thought it was a great deal and it's going to save us so much money on water. PLUS no more plastic bottles adding to the never ending recycling! Two for One deal, who doesn't like that! 

The one we are renting is a nice sleek black system almost identical to the one above. It has a hot and cold setting. On the hot setting there is a child safety feature where you have to push a button in and press down the lever @ the same time in order to get the hot water, so that was also a plus. We really didn't want the hot water but found out you can turn a switch off in the back of the unit and it will just make the water room temp. Score for Sean because he loves his water at room temp. This was a great thing for our family to invest in. 

Miranda Lambert - The House That Built Me

My brother Zac came over to visit the other day and we got to talking about our "home". I grew up in this home from baby until I left the nest. This home hosted my wedding. This home holds dear memories. A few years ago my dad and his wife decided to move to Ohio and so our home was sold. It was extremely hard letting go of my home. When it was emptied I walked room to room and touch every wall and surface, flashing back to memories I had in the specific rooms. I cried, A LOT. I don't think that I if I hadn't done that, I wouldn't be ok with not having that house in my life anymore. It helped me cope. The man that bought the home completely redid the inside of the home to where if I was blindfolded and brought inside, I wouldn't recognize it.

When this song first came out, it hit home. I cried as all my memories flooded back to my childhood home. I know I can't go back but I can always remember the house that built me. 

First Freckle!!!!!!!

Michael has his first freckle and it is the cutest little freckle. I have been waiting to see if he would get any because I am covered head to toe. It's a little above his belly button. Its small but it's there and I LOVE IT! 

(Click on the pic to enlarge)

& Michael was totally pushing his belly out in this pic so his little belly is not this round. 

Body Parts!

Sorry the video is side ways but enjoy watching my smart little guy pointing out his body parts and sayin "bye bye"

Doing the right thing

I have been second guessing myself on a decision I made last week. It took so long for me to finally say this is enough. I am so angry at myself for allowing this to go on as long as it did, but you have to be sure what your doing is the right thing. 

Last week I finally contacted animal control about my neighbors dog. The owner does not live at home. I don't know where he goes but he disappears for days to weeks at a time. When I do see the owner, it is very quick. He walks into his apartment and right out. He owns this little white dog named Trip. This dog is so friendly. This dog stays in this apartment by himself, and never get out. No one comes to take care of him. 

This has gone on for a very long time and for a while I was thinking that maybe the owner came in during the night. Then the dog started to get raggy. Then it was getting matted. Then this white dog looked like absolute filth. I was realizing that this dog was on his own. The dog might have looked horrible but he still looked like he had been eating. When I went to take the trash out the other day, Trip was in the window and through his fluffy matted fir, I saw that his stomach was in caved and finally said that's it. I can't take this anymore, this dog needs help. 

After I contacted animal control my stomach was in knots. Anger at myself for allowing this to go on as long as it had. Thoughts of whether it was the right thing to do. Then all I could think about was being a caregiver and if you saw abuse or neglect you are a mandatory reporter and if you don't report you are just as guilty as the person doing the crime. So I have been feeling extremely guilty for not reporting this sooner.

Animal control responded to my e-mail Saturday. They came by and could see the dog was in very poor condition. They said they could somewhat see inside and see poop on the floor. They said they were leaving a  24hr notice and they would be back Sunday and to contact them if we saw him. Well Sunday came and went an no animal control. Monday came and went and still no animal control. By Tuesday I was so infuriated that I had finally taken action to contact animal control and for them to be dragging their feet. My mom ended up calling to see why they hadn't been out and the operator was surprised and contacted the officer and sent her out Tuesday afternoon. They talked to me again and I gave them the landlord's tele# and they left another 24hr notice stating they would be doing a walk through the next day. 

Wednesday got here and animal control showed up and the landlord let the AC officer in. She came out with the dog. I was so thankful to see trip wagging his tail. As terrible as he looked, he still had his happy go lucky spunk. My landlord asked me if I had seen the inside and told me to go take a look. Half way down the side walk the smell to the apartment hit me like a ton of bricks. It was just beyond terrible. When I stepped onto the cement slab in front of the door the horror came into view. Never in my life had I seen such images, well except on TV. Every inch of carpet was covered in feces. The feces were covered in fuzz and even in some areas was growing white balls of fungus on top of it. There was garbage and old food covering the counter tops. The walls were covered in a yellow mold halfway up throughout the entire unit. The single love seat was torn to shreds and my only thought was that must have been was Trip was eating to survive. 

After seeing the horror I was beyond the point of thankful for finally taken the initiative to contact AC. I am just angry now that I waited so long, knowing just how bad it really was. Also to find out the door had been unlocked so this entire time we could have just turned the dang nob and rescued the dog. 

The dog went to the shelter to receive the care he has been desperately needing including a nice meal, fresh cold water, and bath and a CLEAN PLACE to lay down and sleep.

I know I made the right decision and when they finally get ahold of the owner I hope he pays for what he did to that poor dog. 

Depression's Outlet

Lately I have been feeling very down. I haven't felt happy at all. Nothing makes me smile, and when I do, it's almost like an automatic response. That's what my brain says to do so that's what I do. Nothing has felt gratifying. Nothing has felt right. I have felt the urge to fly away, to run, to get out. I have wanted nothing more than to shut people out, stop talking to EVERYONE. I have fought off urges to turn off my phone, unplug the house phone, close the curtains and lock the door. At home I am on auto pilot. I do what is normal for me and that's about it. Haven't done much of anything else besides have meltdowns. I either get really angry or get really sad, either of which comes with many tears. Crying is my #1 emotion and that comes with every feeling I have.

My 3 year wedding anniversary was on Tuesday August 9, 2011 and my family and I went to the fair. The day my Husband and I married, we went to the fair and have gone every year since. I woke up feeling excited to go but when time came to go I could feel the feeling rush over me of staying put and not wanting to go and that feeling kept getting heavier and heavier. When we got to the fair I was dragging. I was moving so slow and just wasn't enjoying myself. Conversation was not to be had with me at all. I tried to put on a happy face for my son so he could enjoy the crowds, the sights, the animals, the fun! He had a good time which I am happy for but I on the other hand did not. I felt terrible that I made our 3 year anniversary a bad one. I just cried all the way home.

 My husband left the next day for Seattle and I felt that the time away from each other might be good but then I couldn't fight the feeling that we needed to be together, I needed to be with him. The thought of taking off over whelmed me and by that evening I finally got the courage to pack up the kids and hit the open road. Driving to Seattle excited me. The thought of leaving town, surprising my husband, enjoying the quiet time, the views, everything brought peace to me. I finally was happy, just like that. I got to Seattle and my husband was so surprised and so happy to have us there with him. On Thursday we went to pikes place and walked around, which I totally loved. Seeing all the different things, and different people made me happy. On Friday we woke up early, and had breakfast and headed home. When I got home, I didn't get sad. The thought of "Home sweet reality" crossed my mind but then the thoughts of what else can we do today came about. I called my aunt and made plans for Sunday and then got to cleaning the house.

 I also sat down to blog and that's when relief hit. Blogging, long or short blogs felt good. It felt like an outlet. I have been blogging for almost 2 years here and there, but never this many blogs in such short time, and man does it feel good. I need to let go of things, good or bad, and really express how I FEEL. I let people get the best of me and this blog I need to be that outlet, the thing I can speak my mind. I am excited. I have so many things that I want to blog about myself, my family, & just life. I am hoping that this "outlet" continues to be just that for my feelings of being down and blue. 

22 months and 2 months!

I am frantic inside. My little boy is going to be 2 in 2 months. I cannot believe it. Life goes by to quick. I am amazed at the growth and development that I have witnessed in the last 22 months and wonder what the next 22 months will bring. 

Since Michael's 2nd B-day is in to months, I am trying to get a head start planing his birthday party. It won't be big and lavish, mainly because I am just not that creative and 2nd, I don't know very many people, so it will be small just for some family and a few friends. I know where I am going to have it and the theme will be airplanes. 

My little boy is well such a boy and LOVES airplanes. Every time we go outside and he hears an airplane in the sky he looks up and points and says "Ah Mine(airplane)" I have an idea for his cake and his b-day invites. Now all I am trying to do is think of some toys that he might want. I bought him a new pair of shoes the other day since the store was having a great sale that I couldn't pass up. I want a couple new outfits for him and then just some big boy toys. He has a TON of little toys and I think that something bigger that can let his imagination sore will be good for him. Here's to planning and turning 2 in 2 months! 

Time to get crackin

SO pretty much my entire pregnancy all I could think about was what I was going to do about my weight after I had the baby. Well now that I am 7 weeks post delivery it's time I put my thoughts to the pavement, literally. I am going to start walking until I am able to save up enough money for a bike trailer for the kids. I absolutely hate walking on pavement, but I love walking on a treadmill, I know it's funny. I absolutely love riding my bike so when I get some $ for the BT, I will be on my bike toting the kids along behind me.

I have also been working on a menu plan so I make sure I stick to a strict diet plan and don't veer off. If I don't know what I am going to eat ahead of time I am more than likely to throw something quick into the oven rather than prepare what I should be eating. When I was in HS I joined up LA weight loss and lost 80lbs and through them learned a bunch of healthy foods. So if I can get a menu that consists of 5 small meals and snacks in between throughout the day and nothing past 5pm into a 7day menu plan I'll be set. One of my biggest weaknesses is pasta. I know that if I completely cut that out, that's all I will crave so if I give myself a small allowance of pasta(maybe wheat) I shouldn't crave it too badly.

I have also been thinking about joining planet fitness. They are really cheap and there is no contract which I think is wonderful. From the pictures the place looks great. My only set back is there is no child care and with  two little ones, it will be hard to go. I know that walking and or riding my bike will not be enough to lose the amount of weight that I need to lose and if I want my body to look somewhat normal I know I will need to lift weights along with everything else.

I am hoping to have my menu in order my Monday and hopefully for the last time I will start my new journey, for a lifetime, and please say your prayers that I am able to stick to it, cause my kids need me, and I need to do this more than anything for myself, my body has put up with me for 25 years, now its time to put up with my body :)

What's in a name?

Where did I come up with my daughter's name. Well when I was a little kid my mom had me sit down and watch this movie called 

Steel Magnolias.

 It was about a bunch of southern women going through happy, sad, angry, happy, and just about anything else times. Well Julia Roberts played the daughter in this Movie and her character's name was Shelby.

I heard that name and I fell in love with it and all these years held onto that name and dreamed of the day I would have my own Shelby. I still watch steel magnolias and the movie has never gotten old. The lines are just as funny today and when I watched them when I was a kid. 

As far as my own Shelby's middle name Lee. That comes from my grandmother. Her middle name was Lee. My grandma passed away when I was 12 years old and I looked up to her more than anyone else in the world. She was the happiest women with the biggest heart. Her absence in my life has left a huge whole in my heart. I think of her often and couldn't be more honored than to name my daughter after the woman I looked up to. 

6 week check up

My little Shelby had her 6 week check up today. She is 6 weeks and 6 days old already! Here are her stats

Weight: 9lbs 4oz (25%)

Height: 21in (25%)

She was so happy laying on the table, looking around. Did mind when she was weighed nor measured. She was smiling when the doctor scanned her over, but did not like it at all when a stick was shoved in her mouth. I got her dressed and then the shots came and oh my poor baby girl did not handle them well. The oral med. she did fine with but the 3 shots, not so much. The first 1 went it and she let out a loud scream but I was able to get her quiet fairly quickly. Then the 2nd shot went in and there was no consolidating her. She screamed one of those screams where you hold your breath and your face turns blue, yep one of those, and that was proceeded by a blood curdling cry :(. When the 3rd one came it was just like the 2nd. I had to carry her out on my arms because she was crying so much. By the time we got into the lobby the lights had caught her attention and my happy curious baby girl was back. She got a slight fever from the shots and has been super cranky but I have her wrapped up tight so she is nice and happy. 

Sissy Love

This is Michael's favorite thing to do these days and oh how does it make my heart smile. I am so glad he loves his little sister! 

Being a mommy of 2

It's been 6 weeks and 4 days since I have become a mommy of two. Before Shelby was born I was having trouble mentally accepting that there would be two kids. 2 little ones I have to split my love between. How was I ever going to be able to give Shelby the one on one attention I gave Michael when he was that little? Well after Shelby was born, my heart made room. I heard that we had a girl, and then I saw her, and that was all it took :) My bonding time at the hospital for 2 1/2 days also helped. All I did was hold her, and look at her, I was mesmerized by my new little beauty.

When we got home, IT WAS CRAZY! My in laws were in town to help us with Michael while I was in the hospital, and also to help us adjust to life with two. When I first got home with Shelby, Michael kept saying "whats that?". That was really all the interest he showed. He had quite a few meltdowns however and I really feel that between teething, going through the trouble some two's, and having so many people around, just kinda got to the poor kid and I really can't blame him for acting out. Seeing him go into  time out or getting disciplined broke my heart and I always felt like crying cause I felt bad for him. I would randomly just take him outside by myself just to let him run and blow off some steam, cause the kid needed it.

After my in laws left, I did well handling the two of them. Doing my basic chores are a very daunting task and I am lucky if I am able to get to them on a daily basis. Oh and eating, for me has become a struggle, because I don't have TIME. I will tend to Shelby, then it's Michael's turn, then Shelby's, etc. I haven't been sitting down to eat anything until dinner time lately. It's not good for you, but I am trying to get that worked out.

I have also been holding Shelby more than I ever held Michael. I didn't want Michael to be that baby where you couldn't let him go without crying. So I would hold Michael to feed him and play with him, and then he was in his swing or on the play mat most of the time. With Shelby, I don't want to let her go. It's like my heart Say's you didn't cherish this time enough with Michael so enjoy and soak it in. So that's what I have done. When I say I hardly put her down, I mean that. She slept on me the first month, night and day that girl was on my chest. Now that she is 6 weeks old, I am still holding her a lot. She is awake more now and I am able to put her down to play.

The first time I changed Michael's diaper after I had Shelby was just a eye opener. I picked him up and immediately  it was like "Um where did my little boy go, when did this monster get here!" I mean it, he just seemed like he sprouted overnight. My baby was no longer my baby, but my little boy. I know he didn't get this big overnight, but when you are caring for a baby that came out 6lbs 7 oz and dropped down to pretty much 6 lbs, your first baby just seems HUGE!

Bath time has been going smoothly. I am proud of myself for getting into a routine with this task. I first give Michael his bath and get him lotions and put him in his room to play. Then it's Shelby's turn. It so far has worked out great.

My issues that I am having is just that my world seems like it's absolute coas on a daily basis. I have had a few meltdowns myself and have needed my mom, or brother just to come by and be there with me. Having no spouse to help me out 5 days a week has really gotten to me. I feel like I have no break, no time for myself. I just really feel tied down. I guess a lot of that has to do with my not wanting to leave the house with 2 kids. I have done it a few times but each time was hard. I just feel like I need to wait until Shelby is older, to take the 2 out on my own. I really don't know how these Military wives handle being on their own, months at a time with children to look after. My hats come off to them. Being a truckers wife is hard enough, so I can only imagine the hardships the MW have to face, and when I look at it that way, my issues seem minute.

I know there is a lot more that I want to say, and when it comes to me, I'll let it out, but for now this is enough.


(The red spot on Michael's cheek is a dry spot that acts up when it's cold or windy. Sometimes it's really small and other times, it's really big like in this pic)

Michael riding the horse at the CCF 8-9-11

Shelby @ 6 wks

My little Shelby is growing so quickly. Either I forgot how quickly they grow or Shelby is doing things sooner than Michael did, Either way I am amazed at my little girl. Enjoy!