Not going to let this bring me down

So a long while back I posted about us starting the process of buying a home next summer. I have made a decision that as much I would love to start that process I am no where near ready. It seems like this past year I have finally been able to get control of bills and I am still playing catch up. So with that said buying has been put on hold and finding a new rental is in full swing. 

We have searched for a long time for a rental that fits our budget and our needs. Our MAIN need and only problem area is our 70lb dog. Finding a rental that allows a dog over 25 lbs is next to impossible. We finally found 1 that met our expectations as far as neighborhood, the dog allowance, and our budget. We viewed the property and gave our application Saturday.

We called Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday anxiously awaiting a yay or nay and they finally called us back tonight letting us know it was no go. Another family had applied and had higher income so they were approved before us. 

I am not going to lie, this process has consumed my emotions and thoughts the last few days. I have either been super excited about the thought of moving or sick to my stomach in the land of not knowing. Now that I do know, I am bummed. There are a ton of issues we are having in our current home and its time to move on from here. 

However, I prayed. I knew that if that was meant to be, it would be, and if wasn't we just keep looking. So we continue to look and make due with where we are for a little bit longer. I have to hold onto the thought that we will be out of here, this is not our permanent home. That also we have a roof over our heads. 

Searching for rentals is time consuming and easily can drive a person bonkers. It seems as if the hubby and I are taking shifts in searching. We need to take a break though and allow ourselves to breath for a minute. Get our minds back on track again.

There is a bright light to my day though. A fellow blogger/face book friend messaged me today about the possibility of openings in the high school preschool program. I e-mailed the teacher and sure enough there were a few spots still open. I am filling out the enrollment form and will know soon when Michael gets to start! I am so excited for him to start preschool. To be around "teachers" and all the one on one time. He loves learning and is a very busy kid. The few hours a week he gets to himself will be great for him. I'm excited! 

Taking care of myself

Going to try to get back on this blog train. I never really was on it to begin with but was closer on than to off. 

A few days ago I finally took a leap of faith and went to talk with a counselor. I have been fretting this visit for a long time. How would I feel, would I open up, would I get along with the man/woman seeing me. The thoughts were endless but I kept praying. Finally a sense of peace came over me when I just "Let go and Let God" lead my way.

I met my counselor and I was so nervous, but that's how I usually am when I am meeting new people. Plus the attention is only on me, not on me for my kids, but for me. 

My counselor was nice and soft voiced. Made me feel very comfortable as to why I was there. Helped me feel like I was taking a step in the right direction.

The counselor asked questions as to why I felt like I was depressed, learned some about me, and went through a list of things that makes me happy.

I at 27 don't have a huge list of things that make ME happy, of coarse my kids and hubby, but things I do for myself to make me happy. 

I could only name of few, I am just simple. That's me. Hot bath with candles, lighting candles in general, blogging, and shopping on my own without the kids. 

The counselor told me to try to do at least one of these a week for myself so here I am kinda writing this confessional, a start in helping me. 

I have been on a depression medication for about a month now. I have noticed a slight change but still am getting the hang of this. The counselor suggested I up to a higher dosage to help with the areas I am still having huge issues with.

It's taken a long time for me to accept this help. To accept that I needed to be on medicine. I have fought for years to handle this depression on my own but I am at a point in life were my self help can no longer work and I needed outside help.

I ended my session with the counselor on a not so happy note. I was asked a very simple question, what do I expect to get out of these sessions. That question triggered an emotion so deep that I couldn't contain my emotions and I started to cry. 

I just need to blog this for me, so I can look back and know I did the right thing, and that it was time and a great start. It's time to let go and move forward in life, I've got a great husband and two beautiful kiddos cheering me on to a better me :)

22 questions

22 Q's about me

I haven't posted a blog in forever, and this looks fun so here I go

11 Random facts about me

1) If you had an unlimited amount of money to spend at any store of your choice, where would it be? 

Probably Target. It never disappoints and usually has everything I need. Plus the Cherokee brand clothing for the kids is my favorite. 

2) Where's your favorite place to eat?

When it used to be in town it was Ruby Tuesday. It was hands down my Hubby and I's favorite date night out. I haven't really found a favorite since, I want to start exploring the little restaurants around town and see if I find a gem in the rough. 

3) When not blogging, what do you do for fun?

Seeing my kids happy. We tend to get a little stir crazy inside so I try to get this out of the house to play somewhere. I personally like to just get alone time, either shopping for groceries, going to the library, and hitting a thrift shop. 

4) Favorite print magazine?

I am a sucker for entertainment news. I find that world fascinating so I guess you could say people. If I want really want a good laugh I will read the national enquirer

5) Your life is going to be a script for a movie, who would you want to play you?

Melissa McCarthy

6) Coffee or tea?

Hot Coffee and Iced Tea

7) Book or movie?

I watch movies a lot. I do love a good book though. I am looking forward to my next Nicholas sparks book, the longest ride. 

8) Camping or a luxury hotel? 

Probably a hotel, I love camping, but the luxury of having everything prepared sounds nice. 

9) What is the worst gift you've ever received? 

I really couldn't tell you

10) If you could eat one thing for the rest of your life what would it be?

Pasta, the options are endless

11) What smell do you like the best? 

I am not crazy I swear, but what gets me going over anything is the smell of brand new rubber. Tires are my favorite and Les Schwab is my heavenly scent ground. 

Specific questions

1) What's one thing you're currently looking forward to? 

Decorating for Christmas. I am counting down the days. Michael is excited to get a tree and his excitement is contagious. He saw a car yesterday with a tree and he just about lost it. He knows time is close for tree picking! 

2) What is your favorite post on your blog?

Looking back on when I posted it, and what post came shortly after, I wasn't thrilled, but now I think it's great. Its the post I wrote when I was at a clients and smelled burnt popcorn(My indicator I when I was pregnant with Michael) My client had told me she made popcorn and burned it that day so I was relieved but to my surprise shortly after I was indeed pregnant with baby number 2 

3) Who is your best friend and why? 

 Cresap is my go to gal for pretty much anything, we share a lot of ups and downs and advice for each other is key. 

4) Are you a spender or a saver?

I like to spend, but compared to my hubby I am def. a saver

5) What's your favorite joke?

So inappropriate but here it's goes

(read in a southern twang)

2 women are talking

W1: When I had my first child my husband bought me a huge diamond ring

W2: That's nice

W1: When I had my second child my husband built me a gorgeous home

W2: That's nice

W1: When I had my third child my husband send me on a world cruise

W2: That's nice

W1: Well what did your husband do for you when you had your first child?

W2: He sent me to charm school

W1: What did he send you to charm school for?

W2: Cause I used to say Fuck you, now I say That's Nice 

6) What's one hobby you'd like to learn but haven't? 

how to draw and paint, my dad and brother are blessed in that department and I would like to join the ranks

7) What's your favorite part of the day? 

The morning, my cup of coffee

8) What's your favorite dish to order at a restaurant? 

usually a good pasta dish 

9) You can go back in time and change one thing without negative consequences. What would it be?

not have moved out when I was 17

10) Who is your imaginary celebrity bestie? 

Robin Williams 

11) What's the one movie you could watch over and over again? 

Steal Magnolias, that's where my Shelby's name came from