Not going to let this bring me down

So a long while back I posted about us starting the process of buying a home next summer. I have made a decision that as much I would love to start that process I am no where near ready. It seems like this past year I have finally been able to get control of bills and I am still playing catch up. So with that said buying has been put on hold and finding a new rental is in full swing. 

We have searched for a long time for a rental that fits our budget and our needs. Our MAIN need and only problem area is our 70lb dog. Finding a rental that allows a dog over 25 lbs is next to impossible. We finally found 1 that met our expectations as far as neighborhood, the dog allowance, and our budget. We viewed the property and gave our application Saturday.

We called Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday anxiously awaiting a yay or nay and they finally called us back tonight letting us know it was no go. Another family had applied and had higher income so they were approved before us. 

I am not going to lie, this process has consumed my emotions and thoughts the last few days. I have either been super excited about the thought of moving or sick to my stomach in the land of not knowing. Now that I do know, I am bummed. There are a ton of issues we are having in our current home and its time to move on from here. 

However, I prayed. I knew that if that was meant to be, it would be, and if wasn't we just keep looking. So we continue to look and make due with where we are for a little bit longer. I have to hold onto the thought that we will be out of here, this is not our permanent home. That also we have a roof over our heads. 

Searching for rentals is time consuming and easily can drive a person bonkers. It seems as if the hubby and I are taking shifts in searching. We need to take a break though and allow ourselves to breath for a minute. Get our minds back on track again.

There is a bright light to my day though. A fellow blogger/face book friend messaged me today about the possibility of openings in the high school preschool program. I e-mailed the teacher and sure enough there were a few spots still open. I am filling out the enrollment form and will know soon when Michael gets to start! I am so excited for him to start preschool. To be around "teachers" and all the one on one time. He loves learning and is a very busy kid. The few hours a week he gets to himself will be great for him. I'm excited! 

Taking care of myself

Going to try to get back on this blog train. I never really was on it to begin with but was closer on than to off. 

A few days ago I finally took a leap of faith and went to talk with a counselor. I have been fretting this visit for a long time. How would I feel, would I open up, would I get along with the man/woman seeing me. The thoughts were endless but I kept praying. Finally a sense of peace came over me when I just "Let go and Let God" lead my way.

I met my counselor and I was so nervous, but that's how I usually am when I am meeting new people. Plus the attention is only on me, not on me for my kids, but for me. 

My counselor was nice and soft voiced. Made me feel very comfortable as to why I was there. Helped me feel like I was taking a step in the right direction.

The counselor asked questions as to why I felt like I was depressed, learned some about me, and went through a list of things that makes me happy.

I at 27 don't have a huge list of things that make ME happy, of coarse my kids and hubby, but things I do for myself to make me happy. 

I could only name of few, I am just simple. That's me. Hot bath with candles, lighting candles in general, blogging, and shopping on my own without the kids. 

The counselor told me to try to do at least one of these a week for myself so here I am kinda writing this confessional, a start in helping me. 

I have been on a depression medication for about a month now. I have noticed a slight change but still am getting the hang of this. The counselor suggested I up to a higher dosage to help with the areas I am still having huge issues with.

It's taken a long time for me to accept this help. To accept that I needed to be on medicine. I have fought for years to handle this depression on my own but I am at a point in life were my self help can no longer work and I needed outside help.

I ended my session with the counselor on a not so happy note. I was asked a very simple question, what do I expect to get out of these sessions. That question triggered an emotion so deep that I couldn't contain my emotions and I started to cry. 

I just need to blog this for me, so I can look back and know I did the right thing, and that it was time and a great start. It's time to let go and move forward in life, I've got a great husband and two beautiful kiddos cheering me on to a better me :)

22 questions

22 Q's about me

I haven't posted a blog in forever, and this looks fun so here I go

11 Random facts about me

1) If you had an unlimited amount of money to spend at any store of your choice, where would it be? 

Probably Target. It never disappoints and usually has everything I need. Plus the Cherokee brand clothing for the kids is my favorite. 

2) Where's your favorite place to eat?

When it used to be in town it was Ruby Tuesday. It was hands down my Hubby and I's favorite date night out. I haven't really found a favorite since, I want to start exploring the little restaurants around town and see if I find a gem in the rough. 

3) When not blogging, what do you do for fun?

Seeing my kids happy. We tend to get a little stir crazy inside so I try to get this out of the house to play somewhere. I personally like to just get alone time, either shopping for groceries, going to the library, and hitting a thrift shop. 

4) Favorite print magazine?

I am a sucker for entertainment news. I find that world fascinating so I guess you could say people. If I want really want a good laugh I will read the national enquirer

5) Your life is going to be a script for a movie, who would you want to play you?

Melissa McCarthy

6) Coffee or tea?

Hot Coffee and Iced Tea

7) Book or movie?

I watch movies a lot. I do love a good book though. I am looking forward to my next Nicholas sparks book, the longest ride. 

8) Camping or a luxury hotel? 

Probably a hotel, I love camping, but the luxury of having everything prepared sounds nice. 

9) What is the worst gift you've ever received? 

I really couldn't tell you

10) If you could eat one thing for the rest of your life what would it be?

Pasta, the options are endless

11) What smell do you like the best? 

I am not crazy I swear, but what gets me going over anything is the smell of brand new rubber. Tires are my favorite and Les Schwab is my heavenly scent ground. 

Specific questions

1) What's one thing you're currently looking forward to? 

Decorating for Christmas. I am counting down the days. Michael is excited to get a tree and his excitement is contagious. He saw a car yesterday with a tree and he just about lost it. He knows time is close for tree picking! 

2) What is your favorite post on your blog?

Looking back on when I posted it, and what post came shortly after, I wasn't thrilled, but now I think it's great. Its the post I wrote when I was at a clients and smelled burnt popcorn(My indicator I when I was pregnant with Michael) My client had told me she made popcorn and burned it that day so I was relieved but to my surprise shortly after I was indeed pregnant with baby number 2 

3) Who is your best friend and why? 

 Cresap is my go to gal for pretty much anything, we share a lot of ups and downs and advice for each other is key. 

4) Are you a spender or a saver?

I like to spend, but compared to my hubby I am def. a saver

5) What's your favorite joke?

So inappropriate but here it's goes

(read in a southern twang)

2 women are talking

W1: When I had my first child my husband bought me a huge diamond ring

W2: That's nice

W1: When I had my second child my husband built me a gorgeous home

W2: That's nice

W1: When I had my third child my husband send me on a world cruise

W2: That's nice

W1: Well what did your husband do for you when you had your first child?

W2: He sent me to charm school

W1: What did he send you to charm school for?

W2: Cause I used to say Fuck you, now I say That's Nice 

6) What's one hobby you'd like to learn but haven't? 

how to draw and paint, my dad and brother are blessed in that department and I would like to join the ranks

7) What's your favorite part of the day? 

The morning, my cup of coffee

8) What's your favorite dish to order at a restaurant? 

usually a good pasta dish 

9) You can go back in time and change one thing without negative consequences. What would it be?

not have moved out when I was 17

10) Who is your imaginary celebrity bestie? 

Robin Williams 

11) What's the one movie you could watch over and over again? 

Steal Magnolias, that's where my Shelby's name came from

CC Fair 2013

Yay for fair time!

I love going to the fair, just everything about it makes me smile. 

Being able to take my family and create new memories just makes it that much more special to me. 

I had looked up in advance to see when monster trucks were going to be at the fair and found out they would be showing on the last day of the fair. I was bummed since it was the last day, vendors would be burnt out, things would be dying out. Ha, boy was I ever wrong! I am also glad we waited because Friday I received a call from my neighbor asking if I was going to the fair and if I would like free tickets to get it. Um, Yes! She asked if I knew anybody else going to the fair and gave me two more tickets for my friend. So sweet and thoughtful, and so appreciated! 

We got to the fair around 1pm and didn't get parked until 1:30pm. Between walking and waiting in line we got into the fair right at 2pm and was able to sit down and watch monster trucks. Michael was excited but I think the crowd and noise got to him and made him nervous, because the kid had to pee every 10 minutes! Shelby would not sit still, would not leave her ear covers on, and just didn't care for the show. When the monster trucks finally started, Sean and I both agreed it was time to move on to something else. 

We went to the food barn and got both the kids a corn dog, which they both devoured and Sean and I got baked potatoes with the works, my fair time favorite. We also got some frozen lemonade and got refills for only $2.

After that we walked around the vendors and then went to see the animals. Mike and Shelby really enjoyed the animal part. We were most intrigued by the goat barn were we saw a pregnant goat and got to watch her belly move. It was really neat to see. 

I knew Shelby wouldn't be able to ride any rides since she is so petite, so I thought a pony ride would be OK for her. Her and Michael both got a Pony ride and Sean walked with Shelby. Shelby giggled to her little hearts content and Michael had the biggest grin. The $12 was worth the smiles and laughter.

We met up with my mom, who was there with her friends, and went to see the dock dogs show. Sean said he would meet up with us, because he really wanted corn on the cob, so we told him where to meet us. 20 minutes into the show, still no Sean. So my mom went looking for him, 10 min later, she returns, still no Sean. Great my Husband is lost in a sea of a million people with no phone! Finally Sean pokes his head through the crowd and walks up with 2 corn on the cob, and this massive behemoth of a turkey leg! Ha! Michael devoured the corn within minutes and helped his Daddy work on the great leg of China!

Both the kids played a fishing game. It was $5 a kid and Shelby went first. She won a small prize. Then it was Michael's turn and we won a choice prize which was one of the huge stuffed animals. The lady asked if she could take Shelby's small stuffed animal and trade for two large ones, that way both the kids had the same size animal. I was very thankful she did that. Shelby picked out a blue frog and Michael picked out a Scooby Dog. 

 Michael got to pick two rides and decided on the twirl-a-bear and the haunted fun house. I was happy he understood that he only got 2 rides and was fine with it. Plus he had a blast.

Around 730 we decided it was time to call it quits and head home. Both the kids were so tired and you could see it in their little faces but still wanted to soak in all the sights and sounds of the fair, so every ounce of their little beings fought that sleep bug. Once both kids were in car, boom, done, out like a light. Haha. 

 

Making Plans

On Tuesday my hubby had a full day/night off from work so we decided to make the most of it. For months we had been talking about taking a really first big step to talk with a banker about what steps we needed to start taking as far as buying a house. My husband and I are so ready to be home owners, but at the same time we still need to work on fixing/building our credit. We both thought that speaking with a professional and getting some initial questions tackled/answered would be a great foundation to starting this process. 

We went to our bank and spoke with a banker, he wasn't a mortgage lender, so wasn't able to help us to much but did point us to a ML at a nearby location. He also was very helpful as to what web sites we can go to, to check our credit and scores, which would help us start improving the grey areas. 

Immediately I went home and reviewed my report and jotted down what was there & what I needed to improve. It was the first time I have checked my report, it's embarrassing that I haven't before this. It just goes to show I am still growing up, still figuring this thing called adult hood out. 

My husband and I sat down and had ourselves a little pow wow. He is very adimate about replacing all of our old outdated equipment (TV, DVD PLAYER, GAMING SYSTEM = guy stuff) since our income has improved greatly. I on the other hand am hard core about paying debt, getting rid of some of the yuck on our reports BUT also know we need some more hard credit on our reports. 

Our plan is to bust out the really big bills first and get those taken care of. Once that stress is eliminated then we will work on our hard credit which would be financing a TV. 

We plan to put as much as we can into savings to come up with some sort of a down payment. Our goal is by next summer to have revamped our credit and then start the house buying process.

Another decision we have had to face is do we move from our shack? We both hate it here, bad. BUT rent is cheap, we are able to have our dog, and we have been here almost 5 years. My husband wants to get out, but said we would only do so if I were able to find a place around the same price range. My gut flips at the thought of putting up with this outdated place for another year but my heart rejoices at the image of (hopefully) our final year as renters.

I have been daydreaming for months on end of what kind of home I want to see myself in, where I want that home to be. My husbands 2 requests, out of the city and it HAS to have a garage. I would love to get out of the city myself. Raise my 2 kiddos on a little property is my ideal dream. I love what country life has to offer vs. city life. My aunt has property in woodland. Its a drive but not too bad and it is serene. Life slows down, the air is crisp, the only noise you hear is that of nature, AND the kids are free to roam and I don't freak out where they are headed. There is not a busy street close by, a HUGE drop in stranger danger, & they get to explore nature. I see us settling in the Woodland area. It a small town but close enough to the big city. 

I feel like the I am finding the pieces to this huge puzzle and very slowly a beautiful image is starting to appear. Its feels great to finally have a foundation starting, now we just have to build some woodwork :) 

Daddy, Mommy, & Michael makes 3

We finally took Michael out for some 1 on 1 time with just myself and Sean. I have been dreaming about doing this since reading a fellow bloggers story with her son. I've asked my husband multiple times, but with his sced. and my forgetfulness, the idea kept falling through. With our youngest, Shelby, turning 2 at the end of the month, my mind has been wrapped around her and her birthday. I'd look at Michael and know I needed to take time for him this month. I made it known to my husband that I really wanted to do this for Michael. It needed to be a priority. I know Michael is going to feel left out on Shelby's birthday so I needed this day for him, just him so he knew he was special.

Today Michael didn't wake up feeling good. He was crying and had a slight fever. I gave him some ibprophen and said we are just going to stay home and take an easy day. Soon after, Mike was back to his normal self, playing and ruff housing per his norm. Around 3 Mike even asked if we could go to the park. Shortly after Sean called and asked if I wanted to take Mike out tonight. I knew I didn't want to take him outside because of the weather but since he was feeling better I agreed and then made plans with my mom for her to watch Shell's.

We got a pizza for my mom and Shelby and then the 3 of us headed out. We drove around downtown vancouver looking for a place to eat (we had no clue what was around down there). We ended up with a corner pizza diner. We enjoyed the view of the downtown area and the cars that drove by. The entertainment really picked up when it started pouring buckets of rain. A family ran into the pizza Place to escape the downpour. While Sean was paying, Mike and I headed for the car, and inbetween the car and curb was fast moving runoff water. Michael made the comment "look a river!"

We got to the theater and I took Mike to the RR but he didn't stay to long, he is not a fan of the automatic toilets since they tend to go off randomly and it scares him "I don't want it mom!"

Before the movie started a lot of great previews came on for some upcoming flics. There are two in particular we are excited for. One was called walking with dinosaurs and Michael was all over that, "wow! look at those big Dinosaurs!" and two, was a teaser for Rio 2 due for April 2014. I don't know who was more excited for that, Michael or Myself. He and Shelby adore Rio. Its so full of color and great music and they both love to dance to it. I enjoy it just as much and its one I have not tired of.

Epic was the movie of choice. Great movie for both adults and kids. Full of action, comedy, adventure, and color! Michael deemed it his favorite movie and gave me the biggest hug & said "thank you so much!"

We were parked in the parking garage so Sean swooped Michael up and tried having him walk on the ceiling, that didn't go over to well. So then he tired having Mike touch the ceiling which made him happy, but didn't. We also took Mike to the side of the garage so he can look out (we were parked on the second story). Sean let him look down and Mike held on real tight "NO! I don't want it, it's too high!" I had no idea Michael had a fear of heights but it really makes sense. I have an intense fear of heights that I've had since I was super little.

When we returned home "nana" got an earful of the evening adventures. I also received an earful from my mom as to her 1 on 1 with Shelby. She had no idea Shelby actually played with toys. That she is quiet and content and just plays. It was quite comical. Shelby usually only gets to play like that while Michael is away or asleep, which is rare, so I'm happy she
Got some play time to herself.

I am so grateful we did this tonight, it was humbling to my mommy soul. It was food for my heart and I def. crave more.

An update

I wish I was one of those great bloggers but truth is I blog when I really think about it. I always find myself thinking about blogging when we are doing fun family things, or feeling like venting, but then I get distracted with life and just continue to do my reading of other blogs.

A lot has been happening in my crazy life the past few months. So much crazy that I am constantly reminding myself of the picture and caption I wrote to that picture at midnight on New Year's Eve. "Welcome 2013! Looking forward to all the blessings this year will bring." If I were to sum this year in one word in these short 5 months into the year, I would say "blessed"

My last blog was about a huge blessing in our life. My husband started a new job! He is now a little over a month in and, WOW. The relief that both Sean and I feel from this switch is beyond amazing. He works for such a great company that cares for its employees and their families. We feel so taken care, and that we are finally climbing up. My biggest relief, we are officially a full time family. Sean's feet walk through our front door EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. His schedule is crazy with work hours but his main work hours are from 9pm to 11am. Every Friday Sean's company donates food to the food banks but fills a bag for every employee to come home with. My favorite treat we have gotten so far was 2 bags of organic corn flake cereal with granola clusters. So sweet and healthy and the kids just gobbled it up! Sean also is able to shop at the company store where he can buy damaged goods. An example would be that he bought a 30lb bag of organic dog food for $5! All because it had a small tear and wouldn't have been able to be sold In a regular store. July 9 Sean will be Eligible for company benefits and from what he has heard, they are pretty great. God heard our prayers, and only him I can thank for this remarkable transition in our lives!

2) My dearest friend got married! On Easter Sunday I watched two people make a huge wonderful commitment and it was beautiful! I was maid of honor so I was a busy lady helping my friend prep for her huge day. The night before I stayed with her in the hotel and helped with last minute prep, making the bouquet's, and I hand stitched with blue thread 3-31-13 onto the bottom of the brides dress so when lifted up you could read the date, and it was her something blue. The wedding was short and sweet and sometimes a bit chaotic and un-organized but that is the way the newlyweds lives are on a day to day basis. Their wedding suited them, and their lives, and neither would have changed a single thing. I have seen pictures and am in absolute heaven over a few of the photos. There is a picture of Mike in his adorable little suit and glasses, with spiked hair. Completely reminded me of the little boy from Jerry Maguire. MELTED MY HEART. Michael was quite the entertainer at the wedding. He heard music and wanted to dance so we told him to go dance, and dance he did! He had everyone's attention as he danced around the floor in the center of the room. I heard compliments all around and my heart swelled so big I thought it would burst. I was so proud of my little guy, his confidence, and lack of shyness amazes me!

Speaking of my friend, she needed a huge favor from me. One that would shake mine, my husbands, and kids schedule up for 2 months. Her babysitter quit on short notice and she was in a terrible bind and asked me if I could please step in to help her. I talked it over with my husband and his decision was to support me in whatever I decided to do. I weighed over how difficult this would be but ultimately decided that my friend needed me, that's that. Every Sunday the kids and I pack up and drive the 2 hour trek south to Eugene. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday I watch her two kids ages 6(boy) and 4(girl) along with my 2. My friend and I switch vehicles for those 3 days and I drive her Van so I can take her son to kindergarten and pick him up. On Wednesday around 5pm the kids and I pack up and drive home. I am not going to lie, this has tested my patience and very soul to the core. It's hard watching 4 kids 6 and under all day. By the time my Nicole gets home, I am completely exhausted. She takes Mike with her and her kids to the lpark and let's me stay at the house with Shells to wind down. Which is lovely. We have our own room to stay in and the kids are getting used to the sleeping sced. There. Early bedtime and early rise time. I have 5 more weeks left and believe me when I say both Nicole, and myself will be happy when it's over. Nicole told me she's so happy when we leave and I told her the feeling is mutual. We both feel the stress of all the kids. Usually when we would go visit on weekends the kids played great together, but I was there to parent my 2 and her with her two, now I am referee to 4 kids.

I am typing this all from my phone so I will end for now and do my best to write another post tomorrow. And update on jake and his job, my job, and life in general.

I Did It!

That's it!
I finally did it.
Finally took the plunge
I logged off
I deleted my phone app
And without a working computer
I have no way of logging on.
Thank You Shelly C. for encouraging me to try it, if only for a week.
It's taking me a long while to finally do it.

I'm tired of feeling like my life is not something special.
Like kids are progressing much faster than mine
And yea I'm a big gal and yea I have to sleep in the bed I lay in, but I'm over having It thrown in my face every time I open my news feed. I feel like I'm bullying myself by putting up with it.

Well I'm done, over it, & holding any urge hostage for the next week! If I make it through the week, then I will shoot for two weeks and so on. I hope I can rid that toxic mess from my life.

Alright onto better news.
My awesome husband celebrated the big 34!

We are currently enjoying 6 day vacation from work until..........
Tuesday when Hubby starts his new job, completely local, home every night, hourly wage, great benefits job!!!!!!

For a year now we have been on bottom, the past three months all we have gained was home time and that was AMAZING in itself. We are moving on and hopefully up now. I feel at peace with this job move, like this is right. It's going to be a bumpy month transitioning money wise with this new job starting but we will make it through. Heck we survived an entire year struggling!

20 & 15

20m & 15d
That is the age of Michael when his sister entered this world.
20 months old is just a few days away for my little surprise.

How does this make me feel?

Just Sad

Sad that for 9 months of Michaels life I was not mentally present as his mother.

Sad that I missed so much with him that I've witnessed with Shelby.

If you ask my husband, he will tell you I've had a heavy heart for months. Bearing witness to all stages Shelby has gone through and hardly remembering any of it with Michael.

I'm just sad that I feel I missed so much.

That lovely baby fever is also at a high with me right now. This is the longest I have gone since 09' without being pregnant. Not to mention it seems like this year is baby making year as 09' seemed to be.

I can say this. I am excited that I have been present with both of my kids for a solid 20 months and plan on staying present. I am beyond blessed to call these Angels mine. I have watched them grow and flourish and am thrilled to bear witness to both of their milestones!

Growing up is hard

Growing up is hard, especially for my brother Jake. Who on the 23rd of December turned 24. 

Jake has hardly nothing to show for himself in his 24 years of life. It seems like he is on a step ladder constantly climbing up, but getting nowhere. 

Jake recently graduated from a trade school in May so he could become a wind turbine tech. He has applied for countless jobs but it has all been dead ends. Since his graduation he has felt completely defeated. That his life was just meant to be just the way it was, a constant struggle/battle. 

My brother had been working as a bouncer in a night club downtown Vancouver but lost his job shortly after graduation. He spent a couple months jobless but then was hired by a security company to be a night time security guard. This job for his has been an absolute nightmare, ranging from rigged vehicles where he is lucky to walk out alive, to being robbed at gun point numerous time by multiple people at once. The worst was when 5 guys at once pulled guns out on him. He hasn't quit this job because of his desperation to make a living and has been unsuccessful at finding another employment solution.

Here is where the reason for this post comes in.

Jake has been sought after by a certain(large) company since mid October. He hasn't returned any phone calls to this company because he didn't want anything to do with the job they wanted him to do, which was to be a tech. on a radio transmission tower.

Now, as desperate as Jake is for a job, he isn't that desperate for this particular job because of the height factor. Jake is extremely scared of heights. He manages to stomach climbing the wind turbine towers, but dreads the thought of ever having to go any higher. 

See the picture above? Jake would be climbing the guided tower, which stands at a whopping 1768 feet. taller than the sears tower!

The worst part about being a climber on this tower is that it is a free climb, meaning no safety restraints until you have reached your destination on the tower. The reason for this is because climbing with these safety restraints would make the climb longer, and more difficult, and be more tiring for the climber. 

So now here is the issue. Jake finally talked with a hiring manager for the company Saturday. They offered him this:

Paid airfare to Tennessee

transportation to hotel & school

$17 per hour during school/training

plus $100 per Diem a day.

This would last 6 weeks.

Once finished with school training he would be relocated to one of 5 states in need of this expertise. 

Washington is one of these states, as well as Pennsylvania, and Ohio. I forget the other two.

I am scared out of my mind for my brother. I had a nightmare last night where I started screaming in my dream and woke up crying. I have yet to talk to Jake to get his thoughts but I am trying to ready myself to be as supportive as I can and not say/give any negative thoughts, even as fearful as I am. 

Deep down, I want him to go. I WANT him to try something new, for once in his life. He needs this. 

I want him to do the training, and give the 6 weeks a try. 

However, I DO NOT want him to take this job as a tec. for the radio transmission tower.

I believe deep down in my heart, that, if he does this training and completes it, he will be offered a different tech. job within the company. 

I need to pray HARD about this. 

I am so beyond torn between wanting him to go, grow.

and desperately wanting to pour concrete over his feet so he won't ever have to leave the ground. 

Here is a video of the climb to the top of the tower.

(disclaimer: may cause visual vertigo)

Welcome 2013

It is a new year!

I am looking forward to what this year has to hold. 

I have decided on a goal this year, and that is to make my mind happy.

To focus on Joy

Not sweat the small stuff

To not live in fear

I am focusing on Joy right now, one day at a time. 

I saw an idea on a blog to right one thing down, (maybe more), each day of something that has made you happy or smile. To place that piece of paper in a jar and fill it up til the last day of the year. Then you will empty the jar and read how happy you were throughout the year. 

This is my step towards Joy. I smile constantly throughout the day and am happy, but usually by the end, I am focused on the negative and that needs to stop.

Another goal of mine is to LET GO. I recently posted a blog about some issues I had been having. I didn't feel right having all that nasty out there and shortly after reading this:

"I will remember what's important, not waste my time worrying about petty issues, and continue to find joy in every day and not take it for granted." -Roxanne Tucker

I removed the post and felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

It's amazing how the power of words from others has such an affect on you.

Here is another quote that was posted by another blogger

(Shelly Cunningham @ loganandjack.blogspot.com)

That also touched base with me:

                  

"The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy 

is to go outside somewhere they can be quiet, 

alone with the heavens, nature and God.  

Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be."

-Anne Frank

It's something I do on a regular basis to center myself. I just go outside and take a deep breath of fresh air. I usually take time to reassess  the day and count my blessings. I usually can return inside in a better frame of mind.

So there you have it. My goals for the new year!