Finally!

I can't believe I haven't posted in months! So much has happened since my last post. I am going to need to dedicate some time and really put our summer adventures to blog. But for right now I will post the most current happening in my life.

I have been struggling for quite literally 8 months, mentally and emotionally. I am DRAINED. The past few months I have called my husband in tears sometimes unable to breath because I have just been THAT overwhelmed. 

8 months ago my husband took a new job with the promise of better pay, more home time, and great benefits. We had gotten our tax return around the same time he took this new job and had hopes to use it to make our big move. We quite quickly spent that money as it was our paychecks for quite literally two months. The third month in we finally saw some shed of light with his paycheck and felt like things were going to be OK. However he had been gone for a very long time. Since then his paychecks have stammered off to what he was making at his old job, he was gone for 3 weeks at a time, and he had no benefits. I tried and tried to be patient but there comes a point when you cant struggle anymore. I want our finances to be OK, and more than anything I want my family together.

I have fought with myself talking to my husband about my feelings because frankly, I felt very selfish. I hate having to face the man that does whatever he can for our family and tell him I am unhappy. I finally did it, I finally put my foot down and said no more. He agreed, no questions asked and from there we tried figuring out what we were going to do. I told him he needs to go back to his old company. We know what his home time is, there is no guessing, he will have benefits, and we know what his pay is. He agreed although he despised working for that company. 

He called his old company and they were more than happy to take him back. We had to wait until he was home to go fill out an application as part of the re-hiring process. The next day he went into the main office at his current company and gave notice. He was taking in to see one of the main dispatchers right away. Sean disclosed why he was leaving and right away they offered him a position in a different fleet. Sean called me absolutely elated. He now will be home almost every night and every weekend AND he doesn't have to go back to the old company. His pay per mile will go down but he's guaranteed so many miles per week and it will make up for everything. 

I am restraining myself from being too happy & excited, just due to the pure fact this company has done nothing for us in the past 8 months, so you can understand my hesitation that this will work out. I am praying for some heavenly light that this is best thing. 

I am saddened at what time of the year this is happening though. It takes at least two weeks to get into the swing of things and even though Sean has already been given a new truck for his new fleet, it still takes time to be fully into the fleet. I am scared at what our next few paychecks will be like but I know GOD will provide. 

To bring a little light into this I talked with my husband last night about this coming Saturday. I asked him if I could leave the house alone, and spend the day with just, me. He said well why don't we call your mom and see if she can watch the kids so we can go out together. I told him as much as I would love that, I really just need alone time. I need to leave the house and not have a time limit on when to return. I just need to have a day of freedom. To recharge my batteries and reflect on my life. I almost started to cry and my husband could just feel my need for this. It has been over three years since I have gone out really by myself and just did whatever I wanted to do. He agreed and asked what I was going to do and I replied, I don't know. I may go the bookstore in Portland, Powell's and get lost. I may go to the waterfront and just sit. I do know this, though. It will be a day of past. Of leaving on a whim and doing whatever my heart desires. 

I love my family more than anything in this world and could not even begin to imagine where I would be without them. Taking a day to recharge my batteries is something my entire family needs. Mommy needs to be happy to make her family happy.