Being a mommy of 2

It's been 6 weeks and 4 days since I have become a mommy of two. Before Shelby was born I was having trouble mentally accepting that there would be two kids. 2 little ones I have to split my love between. How was I ever going to be able to give Shelby the one on one attention I gave Michael when he was that little? Well after Shelby was born, my heart made room. I heard that we had a girl, and then I saw her, and that was all it took :) My bonding time at the hospital for 2 1/2 days also helped. All I did was hold her, and look at her, I was mesmerized by my new little beauty.

When we got home, IT WAS CRAZY! My in laws were in town to help us with Michael while I was in the hospital, and also to help us adjust to life with two. When I first got home with Shelby, Michael kept saying "whats that?". That was really all the interest he showed. He had quite a few meltdowns however and I really feel that between teething, going through the trouble some two's, and having so many people around, just kinda got to the poor kid and I really can't blame him for acting out. Seeing him go into  time out or getting disciplined broke my heart and I always felt like crying cause I felt bad for him. I would randomly just take him outside by myself just to let him run and blow off some steam, cause the kid needed it.

After my in laws left, I did well handling the two of them. Doing my basic chores are a very daunting task and I am lucky if I am able to get to them on a daily basis. Oh and eating, for me has become a struggle, because I don't have TIME. I will tend to Shelby, then it's Michael's turn, then Shelby's, etc. I haven't been sitting down to eat anything until dinner time lately. It's not good for you, but I am trying to get that worked out.

I have also been holding Shelby more than I ever held Michael. I didn't want Michael to be that baby where you couldn't let him go without crying. So I would hold Michael to feed him and play with him, and then he was in his swing or on the play mat most of the time. With Shelby, I don't want to let her go. It's like my heart Say's you didn't cherish this time enough with Michael so enjoy and soak it in. So that's what I have done. When I say I hardly put her down, I mean that. She slept on me the first month, night and day that girl was on my chest. Now that she is 6 weeks old, I am still holding her a lot. She is awake more now and I am able to put her down to play.

The first time I changed Michael's diaper after I had Shelby was just a eye opener. I picked him up and immediately  it was like "Um where did my little boy go, when did this monster get here!" I mean it, he just seemed like he sprouted overnight. My baby was no longer my baby, but my little boy. I know he didn't get this big overnight, but when you are caring for a baby that came out 6lbs 7 oz and dropped down to pretty much 6 lbs, your first baby just seems HUGE!

Bath time has been going smoothly. I am proud of myself for getting into a routine with this task. I first give Michael his bath and get him lotions and put him in his room to play. Then it's Shelby's turn. It so far has worked out great.

My issues that I am having is just that my world seems like it's absolute coas on a daily basis. I have had a few meltdowns myself and have needed my mom, or brother just to come by and be there with me. Having no spouse to help me out 5 days a week has really gotten to me. I feel like I have no break, no time for myself. I just really feel tied down. I guess a lot of that has to do with my not wanting to leave the house with 2 kids. I have done it a few times but each time was hard. I just feel like I need to wait until Shelby is older, to take the 2 out on my own. I really don't know how these Military wives handle being on their own, months at a time with children to look after. My hats come off to them. Being a truckers wife is hard enough, so I can only imagine the hardships the MW have to face, and when I look at it that way, my issues seem minute.

I know there is a lot more that I want to say, and when it comes to me, I'll let it out, but for now this is enough.


(The red spot on Michael's cheek is a dry spot that acts up when it's cold or windy. Sometimes it's really small and other times, it's really big like in this pic)