This is a complete ramble and I am just venting my thoughts, kinds like in a journal. I am just saying what pops into my mind as I type so it's going to be all over the place, and it may get boring
I am so grateful that my husband works as hard as he does that I am able to stay home.
When it was just us, and I had also been working the income was great, but then I lost my job, and it was just him. I planned of returning to some form of work after taking a break, but then I got pregnant, and stay at home mom became my full time job. Now my husband works non stop. He is only home 1 full day a week and maybe if we are lucky, get to spend 2 nights together.
He is working so hard to make sure our kids have everything they need which I couldn't be more grateful for.
Him being gone is extremely difficult at times, well let's be honest, almost all the time. I have good days where I am OK but then I have really bad/hard days where I just need to breath. In a recent blog I had said that I hardly go anywhere and that is so very true. I am at home, just the kids and I, all day everyday. I do it all, all week long, 24/7 and there is no break. No help.
I do realize I knew what I was getting myself into, yes I signed up for this, but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.
I have recently started having my mom come over once a week to do dinner and a movie with me and that has helped somewhat. Sometimes my brother will stay the night. When he is there, he can just be playing his games and I will be able to do things around the house. It just feels good having someone else there.
My foster brother Zac recently received his Class A CDL license and I am extremely proud of him. He was hired on to a major trucking co. right out of truck driving school. My husband drove him down to LA a little over a month ago so he could start training with his new co. During that drive to LA him and my husband made plans and a new chapter may be starting very soon in our lives.
They plan on doing team driving together. Zac needs to get 6 months experience before they can do that giving my husband the time he needs to get his tanker and hazmat endorsements. Once they start driving together, my husband will be gone for weeks at a time.
I am at a crossroads whether we should stay in Vancouver or not. My mom lives in town as does my brother but we hardly see each other. Well just Friday's and that is just as of recently. We thought about moving to Spokane to be closer to my husbands parents where I know I would have the help and support I needed. There just isn't a lot of trucking opportunities in Spokane. We have also reconsidered moving to Ohio where my dad and stepmother live. I would be able to go there whenever I needed, and have a place to go to and relax. Ohio is also a MAJOR trucking hub and there are tons of jobs in the trucking world out there. I would love to be in Ohio near my dad. I miss him so much. My dad and I have a special kind of relationship. We are not super close by any means but it's an unspeakable bond that holds us together. My brother and him have that same kind of relationship.
My mom lives in town. I love her, I get along with her, but I don't see her that much. She deals with a lot of her own issues that she battles with everyday. Leaving her would be hard but we would still be able to talk on the phone. My dilemma with leaving my mom, is my son. He adores my mom. I never see him smile so big as when she comes around. He screams her names and its just all laughs. It breaks my heart inside thinking about taking him away from her, and my heart breaks for my mom. She loves him, and he alone has brought out happiness in her that neither my brother or I could.
I just don't know whether to stay for my mom and son. Or to leave to better our lives financially. This is a major decision and one I am going to have to make soon and just pray it's the best choice.
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