A "little" moving anxiety

This past week has been absolutely caotic. Between my brother flying home for the week, my mom leaving town for the weekend, my inlaws visiting, selling our car and purchasing a new to us vehicle, oh and on top of all that packing up our home! To say the least my hair is a hot crazy mess and for good reason. 

This crazy mess we are in is defiantly having an effect on Michael. Everyday he is seeing less and less of our things as they get packed. Tonight he finally lost it and started crying. "But mommy, why are you taking all my things away?"

I explained we needed to pack everything up so we can take it to our new home. He asked what home and I told him but then he said he didn't like that home. He liked "this home."

I showed him the truck we were renting to take everything to our new home and showed him what pictures I had of our new place. His next question made me laugh, "but mommy, what about our food? Is our food going there?". I showed him in the picture where our kitchen was and thats where all our food is going. He relaxed quite a bit. I asked him if he wanted to help put things away and he passed and said Shelby can help me.

There has just been too much going on for the little guy and I can't blame him one bit for getting upset. He needs some stability and normal back. Just a few more days of all this crazy mess and then Shelby and Michael get to head to woodland to play on my aunts property for the day while we move. They adore her home and all the room they have to run, and the undivided Attention they receive. 

We don't think it will take too long to get everything moved. My plan is while the guys are unloading is to focus on the kids rooms so they have their space ready when they return later on that evening. I am hoping that once they see their things they will both be at ease once again and be happy for our fresh start in our beautiful new home. 

In GOD's time

Today I am happy and over joyed to report

!!!!!!!! WE ARE MOVING !!!!!!!!

We received confirmation Monday eve and couldn't be happier.
My husband was working,
so I had to call him to tell him the great news!
First thing he said:
"Praise be to GOD"

I was so overjoyed and filled with excitement that I hadn't even taking a moment to praise GOD.
My husbands few words grounded my soul.
I had an overwhelming sense of thank fullness at that moment,
and knew this was God's doing, on his time.

We have prayed, together, apart, driving, crying. We have prayed. We have looked at multiple properties, and for what ever the reason we had not been chosen. My husband or myself didn't understand but on Monday we did.

I found the add for our new home online. The listing didn't have a picture, and I usually brush past those postings. I need an initial visual. Something in my gut made me click on the link just to check it out. I liked what the posting said so I contacted the landlord.

2 days later we were at the property, fell in LOVE, and put in our application.

When we got home we saw the listing had been deleted, and our hearts had sunk. We knew there had been a huge interest in the property, and felt they had gone with someone else.

4 days later we got the exciting call while we were grocery shopping that they were reviewing our app and making the necessary calls to confirm everything.

My husbands smile he gave me at the grocery store sent this surge of excitement from the tips of my toes to the tips of my fingers. I started to tremble. I had a huge list of things we needed, and I couldn't focus to save my life. I was just, HAPPY.

Monday eve, we got the all clear, and I have been on cloud 9 since. It's so surreal to me this is actually happening! We have been in this home for almost 6 years and are on top of each other. Now we are moving to a place where both the kids will have their own rooms, and we have land to play to move. I am most excited for my kids. The freedom they will have, the beautiful fresh air they will breath, and the shining stars they will get to see at night.

Praise be to GOD
with him, all things are possible

Not going to let this bring me down

So a long while back I posted about us starting the process of buying a home next summer. I have made a decision that as much I would love to start that process I am no where near ready. It seems like this past year I have finally been able to get control of bills and I am still playing catch up. So with that said buying has been put on hold and finding a new rental is in full swing. 

We have searched for a long time for a rental that fits our budget and our needs. Our MAIN need and only problem area is our 70lb dog. Finding a rental that allows a dog over 25 lbs is next to impossible. We finally found 1 that met our expectations as far as neighborhood, the dog allowance, and our budget. We viewed the property and gave our application Saturday.

We called Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday anxiously awaiting a yay or nay and they finally called us back tonight letting us know it was no go. Another family had applied and had higher income so they were approved before us. 

I am not going to lie, this process has consumed my emotions and thoughts the last few days. I have either been super excited about the thought of moving or sick to my stomach in the land of not knowing. Now that I do know, I am bummed. There are a ton of issues we are having in our current home and its time to move on from here. 

However, I prayed. I knew that if that was meant to be, it would be, and if wasn't we just keep looking. So we continue to look and make due with where we are for a little bit longer. I have to hold onto the thought that we will be out of here, this is not our permanent home. That also we have a roof over our heads. 

Searching for rentals is time consuming and easily can drive a person bonkers. It seems as if the hubby and I are taking shifts in searching. We need to take a break though and allow ourselves to breath for a minute. Get our minds back on track again.

There is a bright light to my day though. A fellow blogger/face book friend messaged me today about the possibility of openings in the high school preschool program. I e-mailed the teacher and sure enough there were a few spots still open. I am filling out the enrollment form and will know soon when Michael gets to start! I am so excited for him to start preschool. To be around "teachers" and all the one on one time. He loves learning and is a very busy kid. The few hours a week he gets to himself will be great for him. I'm excited! 

Taking care of myself

Going to try to get back on this blog train. I never really was on it to begin with but was closer on than to off. 

A few days ago I finally took a leap of faith and went to talk with a counselor. I have been fretting this visit for a long time. How would I feel, would I open up, would I get along with the man/woman seeing me. The thoughts were endless but I kept praying. Finally a sense of peace came over me when I just "Let go and Let God" lead my way.

I met my counselor and I was so nervous, but that's how I usually am when I am meeting new people. Plus the attention is only on me, not on me for my kids, but for me. 

My counselor was nice and soft voiced. Made me feel very comfortable as to why I was there. Helped me feel like I was taking a step in the right direction.

The counselor asked questions as to why I felt like I was depressed, learned some about me, and went through a list of things that makes me happy.

I at 27 don't have a huge list of things that make ME happy, of coarse my kids and hubby, but things I do for myself to make me happy. 

I could only name of few, I am just simple. That's me. Hot bath with candles, lighting candles in general, blogging, and shopping on my own without the kids. 

The counselor told me to try to do at least one of these a week for myself so here I am kinda writing this confessional, a start in helping me. 

I have been on a depression medication for about a month now. I have noticed a slight change but still am getting the hang of this. The counselor suggested I up to a higher dosage to help with the areas I am still having huge issues with.

It's taken a long time for me to accept this help. To accept that I needed to be on medicine. I have fought for years to handle this depression on my own but I am at a point in life were my self help can no longer work and I needed outside help.

I ended my session with the counselor on a not so happy note. I was asked a very simple question, what do I expect to get out of these sessions. That question triggered an emotion so deep that I couldn't contain my emotions and I started to cry. 

I just need to blog this for me, so I can look back and know I did the right thing, and that it was time and a great start. It's time to let go and move forward in life, I've got a great husband and two beautiful kiddos cheering me on to a better me :)

22 questions

22 Q's about me

I haven't posted a blog in forever, and this looks fun so here I go

11 Random facts about me

1) If you had an unlimited amount of money to spend at any store of your choice, where would it be? 

Probably Target. It never disappoints and usually has everything I need. Plus the Cherokee brand clothing for the kids is my favorite. 

2) Where's your favorite place to eat?

When it used to be in town it was Ruby Tuesday. It was hands down my Hubby and I's favorite date night out. I haven't really found a favorite since, I want to start exploring the little restaurants around town and see if I find a gem in the rough. 

3) When not blogging, what do you do for fun?

Seeing my kids happy. We tend to get a little stir crazy inside so I try to get this out of the house to play somewhere. I personally like to just get alone time, either shopping for groceries, going to the library, and hitting a thrift shop. 

4) Favorite print magazine?

I am a sucker for entertainment news. I find that world fascinating so I guess you could say people. If I want really want a good laugh I will read the national enquirer

5) Your life is going to be a script for a movie, who would you want to play you?

Melissa McCarthy

6) Coffee or tea?

Hot Coffee and Iced Tea

7) Book or movie?

I watch movies a lot. I do love a good book though. I am looking forward to my next Nicholas sparks book, the longest ride. 

8) Camping or a luxury hotel? 

Probably a hotel, I love camping, but the luxury of having everything prepared sounds nice. 

9) What is the worst gift you've ever received? 

I really couldn't tell you

10) If you could eat one thing for the rest of your life what would it be?

Pasta, the options are endless

11) What smell do you like the best? 

I am not crazy I swear, but what gets me going over anything is the smell of brand new rubber. Tires are my favorite and Les Schwab is my heavenly scent ground. 

Specific questions

1) What's one thing you're currently looking forward to? 

Decorating for Christmas. I am counting down the days. Michael is excited to get a tree and his excitement is contagious. He saw a car yesterday with a tree and he just about lost it. He knows time is close for tree picking! 

2) What is your favorite post on your blog?

Looking back on when I posted it, and what post came shortly after, I wasn't thrilled, but now I think it's great. Its the post I wrote when I was at a clients and smelled burnt popcorn(My indicator I when I was pregnant with Michael) My client had told me she made popcorn and burned it that day so I was relieved but to my surprise shortly after I was indeed pregnant with baby number 2 

3) Who is your best friend and why? 

 Cresap is my go to gal for pretty much anything, we share a lot of ups and downs and advice for each other is key. 

4) Are you a spender or a saver?

I like to spend, but compared to my hubby I am def. a saver

5) What's your favorite joke?

So inappropriate but here it's goes

(read in a southern twang)

2 women are talking

W1: When I had my first child my husband bought me a huge diamond ring

W2: That's nice

W1: When I had my second child my husband built me a gorgeous home

W2: That's nice

W1: When I had my third child my husband send me on a world cruise

W2: That's nice

W1: Well what did your husband do for you when you had your first child?

W2: He sent me to charm school

W1: What did he send you to charm school for?

W2: Cause I used to say Fuck you, now I say That's Nice 

6) What's one hobby you'd like to learn but haven't? 

how to draw and paint, my dad and brother are blessed in that department and I would like to join the ranks

7) What's your favorite part of the day? 

The morning, my cup of coffee

8) What's your favorite dish to order at a restaurant? 

usually a good pasta dish 

9) You can go back in time and change one thing without negative consequences. What would it be?

not have moved out when I was 17

10) Who is your imaginary celebrity bestie? 

Robin Williams 

11) What's the one movie you could watch over and over again? 

Steal Magnolias, that's where my Shelby's name came from

CC Fair 2013

Yay for fair time!

I love going to the fair, just everything about it makes me smile. 

Being able to take my family and create new memories just makes it that much more special to me. 

I had looked up in advance to see when monster trucks were going to be at the fair and found out they would be showing on the last day of the fair. I was bummed since it was the last day, vendors would be burnt out, things would be dying out. Ha, boy was I ever wrong! I am also glad we waited because Friday I received a call from my neighbor asking if I was going to the fair and if I would like free tickets to get it. Um, Yes! She asked if I knew anybody else going to the fair and gave me two more tickets for my friend. So sweet and thoughtful, and so appreciated! 

We got to the fair around 1pm and didn't get parked until 1:30pm. Between walking and waiting in line we got into the fair right at 2pm and was able to sit down and watch monster trucks. Michael was excited but I think the crowd and noise got to him and made him nervous, because the kid had to pee every 10 minutes! Shelby would not sit still, would not leave her ear covers on, and just didn't care for the show. When the monster trucks finally started, Sean and I both agreed it was time to move on to something else. 

We went to the food barn and got both the kids a corn dog, which they both devoured and Sean and I got baked potatoes with the works, my fair time favorite. We also got some frozen lemonade and got refills for only $2.

After that we walked around the vendors and then went to see the animals. Mike and Shelby really enjoyed the animal part. We were most intrigued by the goat barn were we saw a pregnant goat and got to watch her belly move. It was really neat to see. 

I knew Shelby wouldn't be able to ride any rides since she is so petite, so I thought a pony ride would be OK for her. Her and Michael both got a Pony ride and Sean walked with Shelby. Shelby giggled to her little hearts content and Michael had the biggest grin. The $12 was worth the smiles and laughter.

We met up with my mom, who was there with her friends, and went to see the dock dogs show. Sean said he would meet up with us, because he really wanted corn on the cob, so we told him where to meet us. 20 minutes into the show, still no Sean. So my mom went looking for him, 10 min later, she returns, still no Sean. Great my Husband is lost in a sea of a million people with no phone! Finally Sean pokes his head through the crowd and walks up with 2 corn on the cob, and this massive behemoth of a turkey leg! Ha! Michael devoured the corn within minutes and helped his Daddy work on the great leg of China!

Both the kids played a fishing game. It was $5 a kid and Shelby went first. She won a small prize. Then it was Michael's turn and we won a choice prize which was one of the huge stuffed animals. The lady asked if she could take Shelby's small stuffed animal and trade for two large ones, that way both the kids had the same size animal. I was very thankful she did that. Shelby picked out a blue frog and Michael picked out a Scooby Dog. 

 Michael got to pick two rides and decided on the twirl-a-bear and the haunted fun house. I was happy he understood that he only got 2 rides and was fine with it. Plus he had a blast.

Around 730 we decided it was time to call it quits and head home. Both the kids were so tired and you could see it in their little faces but still wanted to soak in all the sights and sounds of the fair, so every ounce of their little beings fought that sleep bug. Once both kids were in car, boom, done, out like a light. Haha. 

 

Making Plans

On Tuesday my hubby had a full day/night off from work so we decided to make the most of it. For months we had been talking about taking a really first big step to talk with a banker about what steps we needed to start taking as far as buying a house. My husband and I are so ready to be home owners, but at the same time we still need to work on fixing/building our credit. We both thought that speaking with a professional and getting some initial questions tackled/answered would be a great foundation to starting this process. 

We went to our bank and spoke with a banker, he wasn't a mortgage lender, so wasn't able to help us to much but did point us to a ML at a nearby location. He also was very helpful as to what web sites we can go to, to check our credit and scores, which would help us start improving the grey areas. 

Immediately I went home and reviewed my report and jotted down what was there & what I needed to improve. It was the first time I have checked my report, it's embarrassing that I haven't before this. It just goes to show I am still growing up, still figuring this thing called adult hood out. 

My husband and I sat down and had ourselves a little pow wow. He is very adimate about replacing all of our old outdated equipment (TV, DVD PLAYER, GAMING SYSTEM = guy stuff) since our income has improved greatly. I on the other hand am hard core about paying debt, getting rid of some of the yuck on our reports BUT also know we need some more hard credit on our reports. 

Our plan is to bust out the really big bills first and get those taken care of. Once that stress is eliminated then we will work on our hard credit which would be financing a TV. 

We plan to put as much as we can into savings to come up with some sort of a down payment. Our goal is by next summer to have revamped our credit and then start the house buying process.

Another decision we have had to face is do we move from our shack? We both hate it here, bad. BUT rent is cheap, we are able to have our dog, and we have been here almost 5 years. My husband wants to get out, but said we would only do so if I were able to find a place around the same price range. My gut flips at the thought of putting up with this outdated place for another year but my heart rejoices at the image of (hopefully) our final year as renters.

I have been daydreaming for months on end of what kind of home I want to see myself in, where I want that home to be. My husbands 2 requests, out of the city and it HAS to have a garage. I would love to get out of the city myself. Raise my 2 kiddos on a little property is my ideal dream. I love what country life has to offer vs. city life. My aunt has property in woodland. Its a drive but not too bad and it is serene. Life slows down, the air is crisp, the only noise you hear is that of nature, AND the kids are free to roam and I don't freak out where they are headed. There is not a busy street close by, a HUGE drop in stranger danger, & they get to explore nature. I see us settling in the Woodland area. It a small town but close enough to the big city. 

I feel like the I am finding the pieces to this huge puzzle and very slowly a beautiful image is starting to appear. Its feels great to finally have a foundation starting, now we just have to build some woodwork :)